lundi 1 février 2016

Just Some Words on a Page

I know I kind of let this blog die, and for some strange reason that makes me feel like I almost don't have the right to write anything new on these cadaverous pages. I've been realizing though that I've been holding in so many thoughts that are yearning to get out and stretch their legs a bit. The internet, I suppose, will be their sidewalk. So hello, internet! How's it hangin'? It's kind of a shame that I did so much and have very little documentation of it. There are pictures encased in USB keys and external hard drives, but all they do is sit and whisper secrets of adventures that no one else will ever know. This deep apathy just took over so much of my being that my old love of writing dissipated  a bit just as the confidence I used to have in my ability had done a few years previous. Plus having to write my master's thesis in French (and on Semiotics nevertheless) also put a damper on good joojoo. So here I am and instead of telling myself that my writing style is too old fashioned (damn all you 19th century novels that I've read!), or that my sentence structure and vocabulary are shit, I'm just sitting here and letting whatever wants to be freed free. Simple as that. It actually feels great too!

Being back home after two years in France has brought up a lot of emotions, but more than anything I feel like I am where I need to be. The professional side of that is still in the works, but there is some kind of wantedness and welcomeness here that I felt were missing from my life while I was away. The feelings of the neglected traveler on homecoming. I've felt a bit world weary for quite some time now. I have an inkling though that 2016 will be the year of fixing things I've fucked up, forgiveness, freshness and other alliterating words. I've decided to really work on forgiving people who have hurt me and letting go of grudges (I do have such a penchant for holding grudges...). One never knows how long she'll have to tread this planet, so the sooner she can live the life she really wants and get rid of all the negative things that clutter that existence, the better. Here's to all of that and to more writing--- letting go all these little pent up word creatures. (Even if it's complete horse shit).